56, Oh, my

In my mind, I can not believe that I have completed another trip around the sun with the help of the Son of God. ALS keeps whittling away at my physical body. I’m not going to sugar coat it, I am tired and my spirit has been low. It is just so hard watching your kids having to sacrifice so much for you. Ben gave Ken and me 10 years and now my sweet Abbey carries it with me and goes to school at night while Andy, her husband, watches me until she gets home. It has been wearing on my spirit. I had to do something and I prayed and felt like it was time for me to get on Hospice care. I remember the day I had to get Ken Hospice care. He was struggling since coming home from a two week emergency stay at Vanderbilt. He came home with “Sister morphine.” He had been given so much medication it was mind blowing, a heart pill, breathing inhalers, etc. Then we have another spell  at our hospital. It was his heart this time and more meds. My birthday is June 3rd and he just got out of Dyersburg hospital. One of my God daughter’s, Whitney, threw me a party at my favorite restaurant, Locks Gro/Macye’s Grill. He said, “ I’m just so tired. Do you mind if I just stay home? Have fun sweetie. I love you.” I told him I would be back with cake. Ben took me and so many people showed up and gave me so much love. He only had a month left with us. Our last June together was so hard watching him in favorite recliner so miserable and going in and out of reality with the oxygen depravity. Hospice came June 30th. When I told him that they were coming, he was like WHAT? At this point he wasn’t able to leave the recliner and had been in for two weeks and Ben, Abbey, and I were all sleeping in the living room or napping around the clock just to be with him and comfort him. He died three days later. 
Do I regret calling Hospice? No, the opposite. I wish that my kids and I had help with this season. He may have been given more quality of life at the end. This is why I am choosing Hospice care. My kids need help keeping their mom here as long as she can because I know that they aren’t ready and no child is and I know God will guide us through this. Knowing Abbey is getting more rest from Hospice and my full time sitter is worth it. It is giving Abbey and me better days together. We can do more than just survive. This week has been on par with one of the best. Friends and family made my day. My children each called and made my day. Ended the week with daily mass and lunch with my girl. Ian and George stopped by to put rails on Grammy’s bed, but the bed rails were still in Abbey’s car. Grand visits are the best. Tomorrow Ben and Heather are going to visit. They are so kind to Abbey and Andy. They try to give them date days. God works everything for the good for those who love him. God continues to bring me the right people for each season. I thank God for my amazing, big hearted children and spouses. Thanks to all my beautiful family and friends for sending love to me on my 56th trip around the sun.