Love – showtunessal

Regrets

In my mind, I have been thinking about regrets. We all have them. I regret that I didn’t work hard in school. I regret that I wasted time on silly, meaningless activities instead of building my character. I regret wasting time and energy being negative because owning my problems seems too hard. Face it. We all fall short sometimes. How can we defeat the regrettable times in our lives?

There is time to turn it around as long as you have breath in your body. At Fifty-three years old I can’t go back to school and be the valedictorian, but I can educate myself by reading. So many people without degrees have been writers, musicians, and positive influences for mankind. Einstein hated school. God had a totally different plan for his life’s work that didn’t make him have to have a 30+ on the ACT. Be positive because God has a beautiful plan for your life, too. Believe it!

As any human, there has been wasting of time. We’ve wasted money and resources, too! Maybe this could have been used in a better way. Instead of beating myself up for it, I should move through it while owning my ignorance and do it differently next time. It’s only in failure that we truly learn. Different actions will give different results. Spend your time building up those around you. It is never a waste, but an investment.

Being negative. Have you ever been negative? Close-minded and full of anger, I have been there before and I never want to go there again. I wasted too much time and energy to be healthy. When I owned my part, I figured out that I was part of the problem. Jealousy and condemnation for past hurts made me see red if I even thought about these people. I finally was able to break free. How? First I asked God to forgive me and help me feel better. I was so tired of carrying this in my heart. God answered me. “Forgive them. Pray for them.”It was not immediate. It took time. Each time I thought of the person I would say a prayer for them. I would ask God to bless them at that moment. I was finding inner peace. The peace that only God can give. People hurt and disappoint us on our Earthly journey. It could be our children, spouse, or long time friend but the fact that if you can own the part of the problem, tell the person you love them, and pray for them shows spiritual and emotional growth. This is how to make it positive. It’s a win-win situation. You free your heart of hate and you become stronger than ever before to build up others, even those who love you the least. The people who carry hate in their hearts are people who have probably had the roughest road to travel on the human highway. One of the last little nuggets of faith my late husband and I shared was about this statement he read in one of his daily devotions:You only love Jesus as much as the person you like the least. Profound. I know so many people hurt. If you want to be free of it, trust God and pray for those who persecute you and free your heart from pain. Only God can heal your broken heart, but you have to open your heart to Him.

Sarah Anderson Alley

Sal the Heal your Heart Gal

Quotes for the Day

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark;the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the Light.

Plato

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.

Paul Boose

It is not an easy journey , to get to a place where you forgive people, but it is a good powerful place , because it frees you.

Tyler Perry

The weak can never forgive. It is an attribute of the strong.

Gandhi

Scripture Colossians 3:12-15

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do. And over all these put on love, that is, the bond of perfection. And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were also called in one body. And be thankful.

Happy belated Valentine’s Day

In my mind today, I am thinking about Valentine’s Day. This last one was so hard because it was the first one without my sweetheart. The morning of Valentine’s Day I had ALS issues. I had slept in because I had my days and nights mixed up which probably caused the ALS issues. I didn’t even realize that it was Valentine’s Day. When I was in my wheelchair and ready to roll, I went to the kitchen and there was a beautiful vase of beautiful, mixed flowers. They were just like the kind he bought me and from the same local shop. My son said, “I bet Ms. Sandy sent them.” She is one of my best and most thoughtful friends. Ben started opening the card. I couldn’t wait to see who sent them. I didn’t have a clue.

Before I tell you who sent them, let me share a MSH moment. Quit mumbling back row. This is where you understand what a cliffhanger is. The reason that you complain is because of the cliffhanger. Now back to my sweet husband’s memory. As a married couple, he never forgot any occasion, especially one to show me his love. I remember my first Valentine’s Day as a teacher, he sent me a dozen roses. I was gushing when I had to send a student to the office to get the flowers. This was the M. O. for about two decades. One economically tough year, I told him no huge florist bill. He said, “I am getting you flowers. I put back money. All of this was unbeknownst to me. Do you see what a wonderful person he was? Still worried about the bills I asked him if he could get mixed wildflowers which are my favorite. And yes front row students, less expensive. He came through and from that point forward it was wildflowers.

Back to the mystery wildflower bouquet. Sorry, another aside. In the beginning, he had the florist sign the card. Then, I commented about it not being in his handwriting. From that day forward, he always signed the card, I love you, Ken. He did and still does. The mystery card was hand written. It said, “I love you Big Bug. I remember how Dad would always get us flowers, and I wanted to do it for him. Love Baby Bug. I cried but realized that our family had the amazing love that we have. The flowers were from my youngest from college. My son hugged me tight until the tears subsidized.

Students, I pray that you can find this kind of love in your lifetime. It truly is a Biblical kind of love. It’s patient and kind. It doesn’t boast or brag and is humble. It is self sacrificing. It bears all things, good and bad. I am blessed and I want you to have this. It is one of our greatest gifts from God.

Happy belated Valentine’s Day!

Sarah Anderson Alley

Sal the Wildflowers Gal

Quote for the Day:

1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

Nuggets

In my mind today, I have been feeding my brain with literature. I am studying again! Don’t moan back row, students. Be joyful that I am looking for God. It has been a while since I have had the strength to read and focus. What threw me out of my stagnating reverie was YouTube. Yes, even dinosaurs like me look at it. I usually look for gardening videos and Christian talks about the Faith. I’m a “ real gone cat.” That’s an idiom, students. I digress but I was scrolling the YT and saw 26 books every Christian should read by Peter Kreeft. I watched it about three weeks ago and just finished the first book : an autobiography called A Severe Mercy. Of the 26 books, only two were autobiographies. I decided to start with the autobiographies. It was this one or Confessions by St. Augustine. The latter seemed too heavy for my fragile mind.

After I got the title downloaded to my kindle, I discovered it was written by a man from 100 years ago about losing the love of his life. When I watched the YT video I just got the book titles and hurried to my list to read before my flesh became weak again. Finding out it was about grief and losing the love of his life, I was all in. I knew in my heart that the book was no accident. I do believe that God wanted me to read it ; it was divinely inspired.

My mind as well as my heart have been muddled wading through my husband’s death into eternal life. The nuggets of gold I mined from this autobiography reinforced my mind, soul, and spirit giving peace to my battered, grief stricken heart. Good News indeed! The first nugget of truth about true love: it is more than physical attraction. In the beginning of my relationship with Ken, we wanted to be together all of the time. We couldn’t get enough of one another. In the book the author describes this time as their Pagan love. I believe that many relationships begin in this whirlwind of romance and freedom. It’s often referred to as the honeymoon stage. Often weeks into the relationship this fades and the rose colored glasses are too smeared and dirty to see through. What then fosters a good, healthy relationship or marriage? Commonality. Do you share common interests, goals, and morals? If not, I bet the relationship failed. Remember the song lyrics : don’t go changing to try to please me, I want you just the way you are? Did you really want your person just the way they are? Was it reciprocated, did they feel the same way? If you honestly answered yes, congrats! To move forward to a deeper love it is imperative. The reality of real love is possible. I live in a little southern town and I look out at the world and hope desperately that people, men and women, have not given up on the sanctity of marriage. The plan for us to be one and that love being a treasure trove that grows stronger throughout eternity. Ken and I have it ( present tense.) I feel it.

Nugget number two was: there is no other joy in the world better than Christian Joy. I hear the back row grumble. What other joy is there that has no baggage, consequences, or price? Love, real love, is free. It is not self serving. It does not constantly think about “me.” We all as humans yearn for eternity. We have been trying to figure out a way to live forever since the dawn of mankind. Christian Joy is walking your earthy life to God’s beat. There’s nothing you can do to buy or win it. It is staying in the Light of Christ. The plan for us is to be happy. How in this upside down society that you and I live in could this be possible? Is there any chance of getting true love and Christian Joy? I pray that there is. I have children and grandchildren ( my posterity) that I want to have these treasures. Walking a righteous path is so hard, but so rewarding ; remember eternity students? Students, when you have true love do you want to be with them forever? Absolutely! This brings me to my last nugget of truth, my Epiphany for all of us grieving people whom I know. Just like the author in A Severe Mercy, I still “ feel” my beloved ‘s presence. Some days are so heavy with the weight of him I have crying days. These were so many before my Epiphany nugget. I felt that I was crazy and losing my mind and my love forever. Not so! Listen up my widow and widower friends. The last nugget will bring you hope. I pray that it does.

The big epiphany nugget from the book gave me something to ensure that Ken is somewhere waiting for me out there in eternity. Remember the marriage covenant? Remember Saint Paul and stating that when a man and woman become one then their souls are united as one. This, to me, gives hope and evidence to being together again. When our souls depart from earth they leave intimeness ( no clocks or time keeping in eternity) and have all the time in eternity. Ken and your love are free from earthly chains. If your heart shattered when they departed, good. Hold on front row students, I am making a point. If your heart shattered, it was a true love. It was real. It had and still has life. True love is eternal. Just like Saint Paul stated two souls become one so the other half fledged before the other, so our loves are still there waiting for our day to soar. The hardest part is our waiting. Not for our beloved who are out of time. Remember when sharing your lives there was never enough time. I yearned for our Saturdays of time shared with each other. There could have never been enough Saturdays to satisfy our love. I believe a part of my soul left when his took flight. A death of a part of me that resurrected with him lives on in eternity where every day is a Saturday.

Does everyone get this “true” love? Sadly, I don’t think so. It’s hard to live a covenant. Do more people want “ true” love.? I think that our society and culture in America need it more than ever. I remember a woman who was considering divorce told me that the infidelity of her husband was too much. She said that she wanted a man who only saw her in the room even if Halle Berry was in the same room. Ladies and gentlemen, do you feel the same? I know I did, but I was blessed to have it for 33 years. He always told me that he had the most beautiful woman in the church every Sunday, ALS and all of the trappings included. I know back row, you think he was blowing smoke but he would say he still saw the girl he married. The sacrament of marriage is real. The covenant is sealed with love. I thank God for it. I think that those who achieve it have lots to look forward to even in death. This covenant has been flipped in our culture. Students, take heart. Surely there are many other people seeking it too. Remember all of the feelings that I have of Ken being so close in songs, places, and the space surrounding us? The signs the kids and I have? They are real. They have meaning. How can I be so confident? Everything is created by God. Everything God creates has meaning. I will soldier on until my eternity journey begins. Then I will be with him in a time free zone ready to share eternal Saturdays again.

Sarah Anderson Alley

Sal the True Love Gal

Quote of the Day :

“But love is the final reality ; and anyone who doesn’t understand this, be he a writer or a sage,, is a man flawed in wisdom. “

Sheldon Vanauken

The Grief That Stole Christmas

The Grief that Stole Christmas

In my mind today of course I am thinking about Christmas. Looking at Christmases past on social media, remembering how much I put into Christmas before ALS. Each year I was so jolly and even enjoyed the elves’ shenanigans! I have always been a NUT for Christmas to the point that I drove my family nuts. Here is an example of my overzealous behavior: 19 elves. I heard that gasp, students. What a NUT, right?

This year was the year of “The Grief that Stole Christmas” since my sweet husband is celebrating a Celestial Christmas. Some of his best, worn out dad jokes were about canceling Christmas. The closer Christmas came, the more frequent the cancellation threats.This year is a new season, a new normal. I know that I don’t have the corner market for grief, but it really hurts. Writing is therapy, and I am so thankful for all of you, students.

First new normal was no big gathering at our house on Christmas Eve. We always hosted every side of the family and would have sometimes over 50 people, relatives and friends. Then the old Griefy Claus caused a collapse in our world. No gathering. I then had an idea, a wonderful idea! An awesome, wonderful idea! Intimate Christmas Eve with our kids and grandchildren. I was not the most chipper and we were missing two Grands. Guess what happened? We had a fabulous time! We could feel the love. We shared wonderful memories of their Dad, brother, and all of our crazy Christmas past. The new normal will be Christmas Eve with Gram at noon, KFC, and shared time. Enjoying watching the kids play. So Bah Humbug Griefy Claus! The kids were gone and that left the three amigos. Ben, Abbey, and I watched SpongeBob Christmas and so many others. We laughed until we cried. Last but not least, a good, hot shower, tucked tight in bed, It’s A Wonderful Life in color on the bedroom tv, and the sweetest daughter beside me made for the best Christmas Eve ever. Ben was busy with the elf work that robbed my Christmas Eve sleep all those years before as a healthy mom staying up til the wee hours of the morning. I slept like Patrick Star under his rock. (SpongeBob reference, parents!)

Before I knew it, the alarm clock was going off. Ben said, “Mom, we have church.” We had the perfect excuse to stay home. There had been a winter storm with dangerous low temperatures. Don’t forget Griefy Claus! The one thing that Ken never canceled was church on Sunday, especially the high holy days. That was a rule of our Home: God first. It has been our trusted compass. Ben got me up and ready. We gathered the food items for my mother-in-law’s gathering to drop off, then grabbed her for church. Here comes Griefy Claus! She had burst pipes and no electricity. We ended up with a lot of good ham and another gathering collapse. New season. Ben learned to make pecan pie from one of our good friends. We wanted to give something special for people that doesn’t come from a store and means a bit more. I was ever so glad to be in church. I cried but it was tears of joy. My joy meter was 100% before we were to the Gospel. Our daughter leading music and pies for the church family made my heart swell three sizes. Although the other traditional gathering collapsed, a new one was born. We had Ab’s boyfriend pop in and my other son, too. It was like a trip back in time. They were laughing and playing video games. It was the BEST. Just our little brood. I felt Ken and Nick were right there with us. My husband was a father first and foremost. He worked so so hard his entire life for us. The children we shared came through, heavenly and earthly. Grief didn’t stop Christmas. Somehow it came just the same. The love never left us. This morning Ben and I talked about dying young and the old saying only the good die young. This life is so full of grief, the earthly one. It makes a Celestial Christmas sound even better. Not the Monty Python heaven, back row. Stay with me! That is why we believe that there is so much more on the other side. No GRIEF! Let’s not forget that mortality issue. Remember the first time you realized that you were destined to be dust? Eye opener! The whole world does fall in love this time of year. It is the most wonderful time of the year. Why? That’s right front row, light entered the darkness and Jesus Christ entered our earthly drama. He brought the best Christmas gift of all.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Sarah Anderson Alley

Sal the Griefy Claus Gal

Quote for the Day:

“Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality.” -Emily Dickinson

“What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes part of us.” -Helen Keller

“Say not in grief that they are gone, but give thanks that they were yours.” -Hebrew proverb

Things Griefy Claus taught me:

Don’t think that my children will love the same tic-tacky Christmas trappings (decorations) putting them up and down! No decorations next year just a tree, the memory one, and one nativity. Peace is better than the grief!
I get that a new chapter has begun and I have to be a BLT: BRAVE LITTLE TOASTER. There is a purpose for me on this side of heaven.
I will miss Ken until the day I die.

Flying on Sid Kid’s Wings

In my mind today I am thinking about a young, twenty two year old girl named Sidney. She is my muse and inspiration since my world was up-ended on July second. I had no clue about the depths of grief I would encounter and still do at the drop of a hat. Crying one minute and laughing the next. Students, I am a loose cannon. After my husband passed to the next adventure, I just wanted to run so fast and far. I decided I needed a new ship to chart my course. The Blue Mystery Machine has been a solid ride, but I am thinking of trips. It’s been ages since we had an enjoyable trip. Even trips to Memphis were so hard physically for us.

I began my search for a handicapped accessible BIG van so that I could do bucket list stuff with family and friends. I was searching for a gently used one. I found one in Virginia. It was perfect. I called and someone else was coming to look at it Monday. I continued searching. I found two new ones. The prices were almost double. Sure enough it was sold and I was looking for another van. After a month, I had decided to just buy one new. The next Monday I opened my phone and Sid’s Mom text me that the van deal with the other people fell through. I was just starting to call to order a new one. The message said, “Still interested in our van?” I called immediately and made arrangements. I told them that I would pay to have it towed here, but they wanted one last trip in “Sid Kid’s” ride.

They took their time traveling from Virginia across Tennessee. They got to do lots and see lots of things that Sid would love. She was such a wonderful daughter. She loved music so much, especially country music. They felt like family. I feel so privileged to be able to use Sid Kid’s “Earthly” wings. She entered heaven about 6 months before my sweet husband.

I have had so many trips using Sid Kid’s Wings. Along with a group of parishioners and friends, we made a pilgrimage right after I got the van to Perryville, Missouri, The Saint Mary’s of the Barrens Church, home of the National Shrine of Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal. I am just getting started. I am hoping to do a little traveling, especially small little trips to just see what all is around me. Hopefully I will get to do a few bucket list trips! One thing is for sure, I will take Sidney in my heart. Never forget those people like Sidney who love with their whole heart. Yearn for a heart like theirs, pure.

Some people are born with SMA, Cerebral Palsy, Duchenne’s MD, and so many others MND’s: Motor Neuron Disease. Today’s students pray for all of those young and old that are going through these debilitating diseases. Join in with others to promote a cure. We do a Haunted Trail for advocacy, awareness, and a cure. Addi is the Queen of our Haunted Trail. Please whisper or shout a prayer. Addi needs prayers and to be tolerating feedings at home November 21 for a huge sweet 16th party! If you have never been able to be around kids like Jonathon, Liam, Sid or Addi you are really missing out on the real meaning of joy. Remember that there are angels around us! God is always bigger. We just have to ask. Please ask with me today for these miracles.

Sarah Anderson Alley

Sal the ALS Gal

Quotes of the Day:

„It is not the length of life, but the depth.“ — Ralph Waldo Emmerson

„Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.“ — Stephen Hawking

„Life is: beautiful, funny, fragile, amazing, tragic, challenging, rewarding and above all, short. Hug longer, love harder, laugh more. And know we are all in this together, even when it seems unbearable.“ — Unknown author

And I genuinely laughed yesterday. 🙂 Thanks be to God

Sarah Alley

Running on Empty

Running on Empty

In my mind today I am thinking about running. I’m in my writing spot watching my youngest son leave to run with friends. I remember all of those years in basketball and playing sports from the 3rd grade on up running. In college I promised myself I would never run again when I was finally finished with sports. After marriage and a baby I became a runner again. I also started playing softball again. This season was so much fun because I ran and I played sports again because I love them. I rediscovered how good it felt to be in shape. During my coaching years I continued to run with my players. As a teacher, my classes loved playing kickball and I played with them. It was the best reward and motivator. So many important life lessons are taught on sandlots believe it or not. Civility. Graciously losing but equally important graciously winning. These are two of the biggest. Look at our world. It looks like we need a few more lessons in civility.

The last time I ran, I face planted. It was a Saturday morning. I was running a 6 mile loop around downtown. I was always so tired by this point. I did not understand why my body was giving up. I kept pushing myself. Instead of 6 miles I told my partner I was going to cut off 2 miles taking the road beside my church. Right before the end of the road I tripped and was a bloody mess at about 5 AM. I got up and looked up at God and then to my church and said, “OK God.” That was my last running day and I still have the scars on the side of my head and my shoulder. At this point I was losing so much. I was trying desperately not to give up running. That season left me but it also inspired me.

In 2016, I called my friend about the annual mission March that we have each year here. He sadly told me that they were not going to do it this year. I was bummed out because I was going to just walk and maybe awareness of ALS. My friend said, “Why don’t we just make it a March for ALS?” I said, “Great! I want to be on the committee!” He said, “You are the committee.” He then taught me how to do a race and we did this race together until he went to the other side of eternity two years ago.

The Autumn March for ALS lives on today. So many beautiful things have blossomed out of this race. Friendships, community outreach, healthy living, scholarships, a Haunted Trail, and so much LOVE are just some of the fruits of the race. This year will be the 8th year for me and 31 years for the “March” to be celebrated on the third Saturday of October. Please consider being The Good with me October 15th in Downtown Dyersburg at 9 am. Just as Bart and I dreamed long ago, kids run FREE!

Sarah Anderson Alley

Sal the Autumn March Gal

Quotes of the Day:

“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.”

“Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.”

“You just can’t beat the person who won’t give up.”

“There is no failure except in no longer trying.”

https://runsignup.com/Race/TN/Dyersburg/MARCHFORALS

8/25/90

In my mind, I’ve been lost lately. Losing my soul mate has riveted me to my mortal coil. My spirit wants to fly free from this body and desperately be where his spirit has flown. Everything, EVERYTHING, reminds me of him. I know God has more for me to do so I stuff my grief down as far as I can “suck it up buttercup.” I wake with tears and fall asleep with tears in my eyes. And some days I can stop them, but other days are just for crying. The days my eyes clear, I am looking for God’s purpose for this broken-hearted widow. God never disappoints and when I live that purpose it helps me to smile. I also feel Ken cheering me on so double bonus.

August 25th 1990, Ken and I went to a Poco/38 Special concert at the Millington Air Base. That was 32 years ago today. It is memories like these that sustain me.

I was 6 months pregnant with our 1st child together, Ian. I can still see his black hi-top Chuck Taylor Converse, Rolling Stones concert shirt, and faded Levis. I had on overalls and felt so unattractive, but he said, “You have never been more beautiful.” We sat on the grass on a blanket and he held me when those wonderful love songs played: Crazy Love, Rose of Cimarron, Heart of the Night, and his favorite Brass Buttons.

Poco was the opening act. Before Ken, I had no clue about Poco. I had heard their songs but just thought they sounded like The Eagles. Ken told me, “No The Eagles actually sounded like Poco.” He then explained the genealogy of the two bands and yes students the empirical evidence shows The Eagles sound originated with Poco. We both loved music so much. He and I were prodigies of the air guitar. We both would have loved to have been born with musical ability, but we could only be music enthusiasts. My music tastes matched his perfectly because I was brought up listening to 70’s music, his Era, thanks to my big brothers and sisters. It was just uncanny how well we matched up despite the 14 year age difference.

Thirty-two years ago seems like yesterday. The other day when I asked Alexa to play songs by Poco, I said the first song would be our Poco song. Guess what it was, students. Back row exactly right! Crazy Love! I let the tears flow, but they were grateful, happy, and ugly big tears. So grateful to have had this kind love that lasted our thirty-three years. Happy to know he truly loved me with every fiber of his being. Big, ugly tears remembering how we always had our Saturdays by the pool listening to music, weekend mornings when he would wake us up with music, and when he played “our” songs just for me and I would go to the study and kiss him which led to other good stuff. (Sorry students, I know TMI.) Today I will definitely sit outside and watch the sun set while listening to Poco. Will I cry? Most assuredly but a good one.

Sarah Anderson Alley

Sal the Crazy Love Gal

Quotes by Poco

Count the stars in the summer sky

That fall without a sound

And then pretend that you can’t hear

These teardrops coming down

It happens all the time

This crazy love of mine

Wrapped around my heart

Refusing to unwind

Ooh-ooh, crazy love, ah

Hearts like yours belong

Following the dawn

Wrapped up in a song

Rose of Cimarron

In the heart of the night

In the cool southern rain

There’s a full moon in sight

Shining down on the Pontchartrain

And the river she rises

Just like she used to do

She’s so full of surprises

She reminds me of you

In the heart of the night

Oh, whoa, down in New Orleans

There’s a night bird singing

Right on through till the dawn

And the streets are still ringing

With people carrying on

It’s been so long waiting

Just to be here again

Anticipating

All the time I could spend

In the heart of the night

And I trust in your love never falling down

I trust in your love

Just like I do in this town

Whoa, never falling down

In the heart of the night

In the cool fallin’ rain

There’s a full moon in sight

Shining down on the Pontchartrain

And the river she rises

Just like she used to do

She’s so full of surprises

Oh, momma, she reminds me of you

Right here, in the heart of the night

In the heart of the night

Down in New Orleans

And I’m so glad to be back in New Orleans

Please don’t wake me, don’t shake me

If it’s only, if it’s only just a dream

It’s the only place I can face that feels so right

Below that Dixie moon and loving you

In the heart of the night

MSH

In my mind today, I’m so very sad. My sweet husband (MSH as my daughter says for short) left for heaven July 2nd, 2022. I cry and then I laugh and then cry some more. Watching someone you love fade away in front of your eyes is so very hard. I do not have a corner on the market though. This is indeed a tale as old as time. I am just so blessed for the 33 years that we spent together. We shared such a special kind of love.

Students, I want to share a little bit about MSH. Our kids would tell me, “Oh no, mom is talking about my sweet husband again!” (Editor’s note from Abbey: that’s exactly what I just did.) 33 years ago I did marry the sweetest man ever. When we decided to get married, I was 20 and he was 34. He told me I had to be okay with him dying first. I told him that I understood and he was the kind of man I wanted: a good father. You see, after I came home from college after quitting basketball and a full scholarship at the University of Memphis or Memphis State, I was floundering. I took a job at a daycare. That’s where I met Nicholas, Ken’s son.

Nick and I hit it off. He was the worst napper ever. I, Miss Sarah, had to rub his back to try to get him to sleep. Nap time was serious and I had to rescue a lot of restless nappers; but Nick was a frequent flyer! I always noticed when Nick’s dad would come and he would be so happy. I could tell his dad was a hard worker. He came in with a bright blue hard hat and covered with white polymer from a local factory. The way he ran to Ken melted my heart. I thought, “That is the kind of man I want to be a father to my kids.” Well, he then started coming in all cleaned up. Nick had told me his parents were divorced. I had also noticed “no ring.” We were definitely “zinging” on one another, so when opportunity and chance met, we took it. Nick had fallen on a block and had to have stitches. Ken wanted me to go and help. I can still remember the day. The hard hat matched his blue truck (and his eyes, but we won’t get into that!). He had Memphis State stuff in the cab. We talked about the Tigers and he asked me to come over and watch the game with them. That was it. No other man would ever be in my heart again. He popped in a cassette tape of REM and we headed to the hospital. Recently he told the kids he knew that I had a rock’n’roll heart from that first ride in his blue pickup truck because I knew all the words from “It’s the end of the world as we know it” by REM. I miss my sweet husband. MSH!

I had accepted a scholarship offer to play basketball in the fall to Lambeth University but I didn’t go. Instead Ken and I went to Crockett county courthouse and we got our marriage license. I still remember the questions: Name, birthday, social number, and have you ever been married before? I breathed through the questions. And then it was his turn. “Have you ever been married before?” Asks the clerk. Ken answered, “Yes.” “How many times?” Asks the clerk. “3 times.” answered Ken. My eyes bugged out and my ears felt like they were deceiving me. I said, “What? I only know about 2.” We then went to the hallway and talked about this. I was shaken but I was crazy in love. We did not immediately get married after this but waited until I was over the shock of another life/wife to deal with because two was hard enough.

In November 1989, we went down the bluff to the Bogota bottoms and got married. Mr. Don Childress, County commissioner, was slopping his hogs in his hog pen. His sweet, spunky, beautiful wife said, “Get out of that pen and clean up. I want you to get The Bible and say some good words and not just you are married.” Ken’s daughter, Andi, and his best friend David Jones stood up for us. We went to Pizza Hut for supper and then home.

The next morning I called my mother and I told her that I was married. She said I didn’t think you were really going to get married. She was very upset. She said she wanted me to have a nice wedding. She said over and over that she just wanted more for me. My father on the other hand told her to let go. He said Rachel, he is a good man; he will take care of our daughter. He did, he still does and he always will take care of their girl. This is how this crazy love began. I thank God for this love because love endures all. Students I hope one day you are blessed with a love like ours. RIP MSH

Quotes of the Day:

Alleyisms

Ken aka Papa Smurf by Clarissa Haymon, Papa Razzi by Ab, me, and Lady Gaga, Rop by Ab

In the memorial video look for odd pictures. He loved to take and look for odd pictures. He also liked to take pictures of abandoned old businesses in Memphis.

Birthdays were his favorite (even though he always joked that they were canceled, along with Christmas, every single year). He filmed almost every birthday.

He loved loved loved music. His music collection is astounding. He loved to discover new bands and home-tapers. Book of Kills, R.Stevie Moore, Barty Aum, etc.

He was a Trivia master of music history and bands as well as sports statistics. I never heard him ever misspell a word or not know how to spell a word. Thanks be to the nuns at Our Lady of Sorrows School in Memphis Tennessee.

Another one of our songs. 🙂

What I feel, I can’t say

But my love is there for you any time of day

But if it’s not love that you need

Then I’ll try my best to make everything succeed

Tell me, what is my life without your love?