Tag: spirituality

“Do you want to be well?” 

In my mind today I am thinking about my daily readings from yesterday. There was a man who had been crippled for 38 years. He is just lying there waiting for someone to help him get into the waters. 38 years. When Jesus asked the man if he wanted to be well he did not wait for the answer. He told him to pick up the mat and walk. He did.

I can totally relate to the man lying around for 38 years. I have been wheelchair bound since 2015. As I write this blog, I am waiting to get a shower. I can’t get up and do it myself. If it were feasible I would have a shower every single day. In order for me to do that I would have to have some type of time travel device. In order to bathe a quadriplegic it takes about 2 hours to do everything.  Although I cannot walk and carry my mat, I improvise.  Students the mat can be any type of limitation that you have.

I was asked to give a speech last Sunday at our little parish. It definitely was a “mat” situation.  I did not want to do it but God kept pushing me to pick up my “mat.” 

My heart has been very heavy lately. The last thing I wanted to do was to talk about my journey of faith. As I watched, sang and listened to our special guest artist, Sarah Hart, God nudged me.  She was talking about her mother and the legacy of love that mother’s provide. I had already decided to do a 3 point speech about the elephant in the room[me in the scoot with ALS], my/our purpose, and seeking to see Jesus in our lives. Just before leaving to go to make this speech, I got a call from my daughter. She had just been through a traumatic experience. Most of you know my daughter and know that she is a music major as well as an education major.  She has 20 hours this semester. She had 22 hours last semester. My girl has been very busy and exhausted. She is a junior in college. She had text me earlier in the week about a competition in voice that she was going to be auditioning at the University of Memphis. She was super pumped and super excited and super prepared! She thought she had made it to the next level. She kept asking them where her evaluation was. She and a choir friend went together.  She did not make the cut. Her friend did. On top of that they could not find her scores. The scores would help her deal with her failure. She had called me Sunday right before I left to give the speech to tell me about this traumatic experience.  I listened and let her cry. It hurts so much to hear your children cry. She started tearing herself down as I was listening to her.  I simply asked her, Who do you need to worry about impressing in this life? Where do you get most of your joy from singing? I also asked her if she had someone there to hug her?  She told me that she did. I told her I was so thankful that God put some arms there to hug her but to lean into the phone and feel my hug. She laughed and said I have some things to do and I am so glad that I talked to you.  After we got off the phone I had about 15 minutes till time to be at the church. 

 The speech did explain the key points but God put something else on my heart.  I can’t quite remember everything that I shared. I also shared part of the book that I began after being in the hospital last year on this same week in 2021. A lot of people told me I did a fabulous job but I felt like a fabulous flop. The other presenter told me about the wonderful job I did. I told her jokingly that next year whenever I get this book published we would do it again! She agreed, so watch out next March! 

I’m going to end this blog with a little of what I shared. Prayers that I get my homework[my book Resurrection  published]done students. Yes pray for me; it’s homework!

Resurrection

by Sarah Alley

I am going to tell you the story of how God used my broken body one Holy Week during March and April of 2021.

God has (and does!) speak to me as I have been going down this bumpy road with my health. I have a motor neuron disease that takes pieces of my muscle each day I am alive. It destroys my motor neurons so my brain cannot speak to them.

All this has led to so many wonderful miracles because of my weakness.

When I was first diagnosed and knew what the path I was on would be – a body so atrophied – I was very angry with God. I had a sweet friend that told me to stop being bitter and to stop being angry.

“Just because you are having to teach children while using a cane, that should not matter. You should tell God why you’re angry and talk with him.”

She told me to go to my closet and have it out with God.

One thing she told me before she left my classroom that day was, “You need to think about the things you can still do, Sarah. You have to let go of the things you cannot do. I know you’ve always been a runner and an athlete, but you are so much more. When you get home, you tell God how you feel.”

When she left my room, I’m not going to say that I wasn’t angry at her. Part of me grumbled, ‘What does she know? She can still walk.  She can still get out there and play with her students and her children. She is really blessed because she can still wipe her own butt!”

That’s how I judge things these days. If you can wipe your own butt, you are so very blessed. (As a teacher, I often bird walk – so that was a little bird walk.)

That day, when I got home I did go to my closet.

I sat in the wheelchair that I was using part-time, because I was fighting so hard to keep myself from being abnormal.

I wanted to be normal for my students.

In those moments in the closet, I told God I was so angry.

“God, why me? I have such a fruitful job. I’m bringing so many children to You that are broken. I help them to learn to love You, God, but I cannot teach if I cannot walk and be there. God, You know these children. These children are the rowdy children that You have blessed me with, and I have to be physically strong. These are my favorite children, the children that people throw away. God, help me to still be there for them longer.”

I sat there. And cried.

And then, I heard God in my mind.

“My sweet girl, you are so much more than your physical body.”

I had peace.

So, the next day, I did what my friend told me to do.

I embraced all the things I could still do. And those things blessed my road as a teacher.

I am very good with technology. I was still able to teach through technology until my 21st year, and then my body began to give out. I was not able to breathe properly. My diaphragm was dying.

While teaching one day, I passed out.

When I woke up, one of my students, Jari, said, “Ms. Alley, we think you have narcolepsy.”

I knew something was terribly wrong.

That evening, I was rushed to the hospital in Jackson, Tennessee.

My husband got me up. He tried to help me get ready and I was so sick I had a bowel movement all over my body. He had to help me get in the shower, clean me off, put me in the truck, and rush me to the hospital.

The whole time he was driving, my blood pressure and my oxygen levels were fading away. My husband kept putting the oximeter on me to check me.

“Please stay with me, Sarah. Please stay with me.”

I made him go by his work to fax some important papers to my wonderful physical therapist at Vanderbilt University in Nashville.

He said, “Sarah, we don’t have time for this.”

I said, “You need to do this, because I need a chair so I’m still able to teach.”

He stopped and faxed the papers. And then we were on our way to Jackson County Hospital.

When we got there, I was rushed back. I was fading fast.

They put me on a ventilator, but my body was so tired. I was dying from carbon monoxide poisoning.

I was unconscious for two days. I remember a nurse coming in and saying, “If you will not wear this mask, you will die. Your body is full of poison.”

I let them place the mask on me.

After lots of prayers and petitions at my bedside, I went on a magical trip.

My body felt so light and I was tingly all over. It was like I was in some type of other world. I was riding in a red convertible Cadillac with my son. I think I dreamed of this car, or was given this car during this dream because of the movie Thelma and Louise. My leg was draped over the side. My son Ian was driving the Cadillac.

The thing that was odd or very strange, was that we were flying through the clouds. We were circling the Earth and then God talked to me. 

My son said, “Mother, if you need to go home, it’s okay. Jesus will take you. You can go home, but you know you have to fight if you want to stay.”

I was so tired and exhausted. My body was wanting to fly home to heaven.

We were driving through the clouds and God said to me, “If you want to come home, let me touch your toe as you come by me. You will know when I will be by you.  I will ask you 3 times.”

My son and I were having a great vacation in the clouds. We were floating along.

Then he looked at me and said, “Mama, we’re coming up to God.”

God asked, “Do you want to come home?”

At the last minute, I pulled my foot away so we still were in flight. We ventured in the car and we looked and saw so many odd people, so many odd creatures, so many other inexplicable  things. It was unreal and I could not quite figure out where these creatures came from; it was a world I have never seen before.

My son touched my arm and he said, “God is up ahead. What are you going to do?”

So I began to think about that wonderful rest and that wonderful glory. But, at the last minute, I looked at my son and I pulled my foot back.

We rolled on again and we landed in a city that was so broken. It was like a Sodom and Gomorrah. It was evil. Animals were dead everywhere; things were horrible. It was like an apocalyptic scene. There was pollution everywhere. The earth was charred and gas emissions and smoke belched from deep chasms. There was no life. The stench was overcoming. My heart squeezed in my chest.

We began to move forward again, leaving the broken world behind,.

My son said, “Mother, God is up ahead. Are you wanting to go home?”

I just sat there in silence.

We came upon the brightness of God. I waited to the exact last minute possible – even up to the nanosecond – then I pulled my foot back. I woke up and was so happy to see all of my children and family around my bed. They had been praying for me to come home to Earth and I did. 

Let’s fast forward about seven years to March 2021. It was a Tuesday.

My sweet mother-in-law had such a hard time during the pandemic. She almost lost her husband. She almost lost her own life. And she still had so many children she watched over. She came to have a break. She has so many burdens.

Tuesdays were our days to get together and to write cards of encouragement to parishioners. We write little notes of love to others in our little town to let them know we love them and we’re thankful for them. This day, we had decided to work our Bible Club questions in with our visit.

After she fed me lunch, we went into the living room and she got comfortable. She got her writing pad and we were going to begin our study on John chapter 1.

My nurse came by to access my port, so I could begin my infusions. The medicine helps to get the toxins out of my blood so my motor neurons can stay healthy longer. After my port was assessed and my nurse had left, I began to feel very strange.

I was tingly all over again like I had been before. I felt my body become lighter. There was a buzz feeling, like I was leaving it. I was so cold. My son wrapped me in three blankets and put a space heater under me. My teeth were chattering so hard it was hurting my teeth.

My son looked at me and he asked, “Mother are you dying?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t feel right. Will you call my nurse back?”

We called her and she came right away. She checked everything she could.

She said, “Ms. Sarah, Everything looks good. I don’t know what’s going on.”

I had a little reprieve during her stay to check me over and my chills abated. My jaws quit clacking. She had no sooner left my side and I began another vicious attack of tingling, my ears were hot, my jaw was chattering so hard.

My son looked at me and asked, again, “Mom are you dying?”

I said, “Get your grandmother’s oximeter please.”

He placed the oximeter on my hands and my heart rate was 40. Then, my heart rate was racing to 130. Then, down to 40. It was up and down. Up and down. I was so scared because I knew I was going to die in front of my family.

I told him, “Please call 911.”

A little comic relief here:

He said, “How do I call?”

I said, slowly, “Call 9-1-1. Just push 9-1-1.”

He did.

I was talking with the emergency team, and I said, “I just don’t feel right. I’m hurting. I’ve got all these symptoms. I don’t know what’s wrong with my body, but I don’t feel right. Something’s going on.”

They started asking a lot of questions.

I said, “Look, please send someone.”

She said, “Honey, we are sending them. But please stay on the phone with me, so you can stay conscious.”

So in walks the ambulance team.

I’m sitting there, and the EMT says, “Sarah Anderson, What are you doing?”

The EMT was a long-time friend whom I had gone to school with. I played basketball and he was a good baseball player. He was also a very handsome guy and I had heard through the grapevine, he was a player of ladies, too. (That’s a little more comic relief.)

As they’re putting me on the stretcher, and they’re getting me out the door, my sweet daughter is saying my last rights over me. She prayed over me and said, “Mother, repeat after me: Rebuke the Devil, confess your sins.”

I was trying to say all my last rights but I couldn’t focus.

My brain was fuzzy and I was leaving my body again.

As he was rolling up the driveway, I saw a man. This man looked just like my husband’s brother. We call him Daddy Mite. He was grabbing my arm and telling me, “I’m Praying for you.”

Each time he would tell me he was praying, I would tell him to not pray for me, but pray for his mother. We did this about three times. Then, the ambulance door was shut.

Keith got me into the ambulance and when we were in there, he said, “Sarah, I think you are in septic shock.”

I was bewildered.

I said, “I don’t know what that is, I’m just hurting.”

He said, “Honey, if your heart stops, do you want me to bring you back? “

I instantly began to cry.

I watched the sunset in the west as we headed east toward the hospital. I saw the glory of God in the clouds and in the glow of the setting sun. It was my favorite time of day, when God speaks so loudly.

I said to Keith, “I want to go home to God, but my family is not ready for me to leave them.”

He said, “Don’t say anything else, Sarah. I understand and I will take care of you.”

He began to wire his information to the hospital and when I got there, they rushed me back.

They confirmed I had septic shock.

My body was full of e coli. It was in my blood. They thought it could have been from my port activation since it had been 6 months since it had been activated. It could also have been my kidneys, which were having such a hard time dealing with the bacteria in my body.

Two weeks prior, I had been taken off of every antibiotic to allow my body to rest from them.

My doctor said, “Do not get on antibiotics anymore, unless you are urinating blood or you’re hurting so bad that you can’t stand it.”

So, while I’m going through all this in my mind, and, I’m thinking, “Did that have something to do with the sepsis?” I think when the Devil is after you, he throws everything at you to keep you from staying here to do God’s work. 

My priest was the first one in the emergency room, before my family. He gave me my last rights. He prayed over me. As I was lying there, I felt the vomit come up in my throat. I was trying to tell my emergency nurse I was going to aspirate.

Father Patrick said, “She’s got ALS. She needs to be tilted up.”

He tilted me just in time, but then I pulled a Linda Blair.

I threw up all over my sweet priest.

I said, “I’m so sorry for going Linda Blair on you, Father Patrick.”

He continued to pray over me, and I continued to lift others up that I knew are hurting. I knew I might not be here to help them get to Him.

So we prayed.

He prayed and I prayed for so many of our parishioners.

I prayed for the people in my life. I was just thankful that God had given me extra time.

Father Patrick said, “Who do you want to see first?”

In my mind today I am thinking about life. Last Sunday was the first Sunday of Lent. Last Wednesday was Ash Wednesday: the day we remember that we will return to dust. Life on this Earth is so short. This is why it is vital to choose life. How do we get the most out of Lent, the forty days before Easter, much less life? Well students, it takes persistence, patience, time, and humility. Most of all, it takes LOVE. Not the easy love but the kind of love when you come last and everyone else comes first. Easy, right? Forty days is a walk in the park, not! Now try 365 days. Arduous indeed. 

We missed the first Sunday of Lent. I absolutely hate to miss church on Sundays. This day has always been reserved as a Family Day for us. Church is the best part.  It is the place that helps makes everything make sense.  It reminds us of who we are and what our job is in the world. It is where I feel peace. My soul gets refreshed. 

We had ventured to Rhodes College in Memphis Saturday night.  Our youngest had a choir concert. It was to begin at 7:30 and end at 9 o’clock PM. We arrived at 7:30 PM. It took us 30 minutes to get into the building. This is just the way life is for us now. Between ALS, dragging oxygen tanks, and anxiety attacks, it was miraculous that we made it.  I have to forget that I am a girl in a wheelchair with ALS. I know this does not make sense but it’s true. Whenever my husband gets in trouble I turn into Wonder Woman in a wheelchair! I know that my superpowers come from above. I had to go and get security from campus to drive him over but hey we made it!  It is funny but my family and my friends forget that I have ALS. Which is fantastic! Others look at us wondering what in the world are these two people thinking. I am sure they think that we have escaped the nursing home. When it comes to our family, friends and especially children we choose life. We choose to take risks to be there. We choose life. We trust in God.  What is that Bible verse front row?  That’s right, if God is for us, who can be against us?

Students it is the beginning of Lent and I want you to choose life. I want you to help others choose life.  Instead of giving up something frivolous, choose action. Try to give of yourself. Here is a precept for you: Matthew 25:37-40 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.

 It is the 40 days of Lent.  What are you going to give to help others choose life? A life of sacrifice to help others is priceless. Live a life that will turn others back to God and the virtues he gave us. A life that will choose and have a just God rule over your inalienable rights not man or men. God gives and men will take. This Lent how will you choose to use your time, talent, and treasures to help others CHOOSE LIFE!

Sarah Anderson Alley 

Sal the CHOOSE LIFE Gal

Quotes of the Day:

You only love Jesus as much as the person you love the least. Dorothy Day

“In our Lenten journey towards Easter, let us remember the One who “humbled himself and became obedient unto death, even death on a cross” (Phil 2:8). During this season of conversion, let us renew our faith, draw from the “living water” of hope, and receive with open hearts the love of God, who makes us brothers and sisters in Christ.” 

Pope Francis 

“Fasting makes sense if it questions our security, and if it also leads to some benefit for others, if it helps us to cultivate the style of the Good Samaritan, who bends down to his brother in need and takes care of him. Fasting involves choosing a sober lifestyle; a way of life that does not waste, a way of life that does not “throw away”. Fasting helps us to attune our hearts to the essential and to sharing.”

Pope Francis 

In my mind today,  I’m thinking of strengths and weaknesses.   We all have them. Right now is a very weak or difficult time for me.  Every time I move two steps forward in my home-family life, spiritual life, church life, community life, and author/writing life I am shoved three steps backwards. You notice I didn’t mention physical life. That is because God carries me and I have no worries. If physically I crumpled, I know God and what the endgame would be. Faith. 

Memento mori, students. The world is wanting us to forget this. My son who takes care of us brought this Marcus Aurelius quote to my attention. Yes, regardless of your status we all pass on from the earth.  How do you interpret this? Back row do you say YOLO?  Front row: do you say it’s best to get as much money as we can to live as long as possible in comfort? Invest well!  What about the rest of you? My husband and I are an everyday Joe and Jane. We have worked and we have invested and we have done what the world expected us to do. Guess what? No matter how you do it there is always going to be heart rendering times. 

Now that we are both retired we can begin the real work that God wants us to do. I had already started this journey up to retirement 6 years ago. ALS took my job but it didn’t take my spirit.  Students do you realize that not even the devil or God can take your will.  At first my spirit was broken, then I realized the gifts God gave me in retirement: spiritual growth, teaching high school religious class, Bible studies,  time to write and reflect, time to grow my intelligence, time to be still and know God, Turn the Page Book Club, bond with my middle child, see my Grands, and be on committees to help our little town. Now hopefully my husband can do the same and join me for our “real” Earthly work before our departure. 

Families are so complicated. At Shady Oaks Retirement Home, our house, we have “incidents.”  Some are over quickly but some of these linger and creep into our daily lives and squash our happiness for weeks.  It emotionally deflates me. It tries to deplete my spiritual life. Some days like today I hang on by a thread of hope. Hope that my children are not scarred from caring for two fragile parents. Prayers that they will see God’s work through me even though many times I am pushed to my physical limits. Trying desperately to lead by example.  Our last book club book was The Kite Runner.  I so related to the father. It made me think that we have always had prodigal sons from the beginning.  Look at the first, Lucifer.  There is a struggle in the dynamics of children with parents. There always will be on earth. This is one of the crosses of having children. As hard as we try, we can never make their lives “happy.”  That is the hardest thing for a parent. 

“Lord, be glorified in my weaknesses as well as in my strengths.”  This was my simple prayer reflection today. It inspired this blog. God knows how terribly weak we are. God also knows how terribly strong we are.  Pray today for God to help us persevere THROUGH our weaknesses and to provide strength to do “the real work” in our Earthly journey.  Happy snow day students!

Sarah Anderson Alley 

Sal the Do the Work Gal

Quotes of the Day:

“When you retire, that is when your real work begins.”

George Hirtz

“Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.”

Marie Curie

“Perseverance, secret of all triumphs.”

Victor Hugo

“Football is like life – it requires perseverance, self-denial, hard work, sacrifice, dedication and respect for authority.”

Vince Lombardi 

“Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.”

“When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: the people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and surly. They are like this because they can’t tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own – not of the same blood and birth, but the same mind, and possessing a share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me. No one can implicate me in ugliness. Nor can I feel angry at my relative, or hate him. We were born to work together like feet, hands and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are unnatural.”

Marcus Aurelius

 In my mind today I am thinking of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. We hear of this every year at Christmas time. Have we ever really taken the time students to look these things up and to define them and create connections within your own minds?  It is true what teachers tell you. If you see something unfamiliar or you have no clue, use a dictionary. These three gifts were given and recorded throughout history. King Herod knew the implications of such gifts. He held power over the tribe of Judah. He controlled their high priests. He murdered so many Jewish boys trying to stop the rise of a new King of the Jews. His plans were thwarted. This powerful birth had been foretold. The whole Earth rejoiced and nature sang. Here’s the secret sauce students. It still does. So many good and beautiful things happen at Christmas more than any other time of the year. Let’s talk about those three gifts.

Gold. Think about it, students: the golden rule, the gold standard, more precious than gold, etc. Gold is a precious metal. It has a symbol of AU on the periodic table of elements. They brought the baby Jesus something priceless. A gift to show the worth of this blessed son that would save the world by allowing Agape to be the guidance for all from this day forward. Students, Agape is a special kind of love: sacrificial. What an amazing gift He is. What could we give God this year that is more precious than gold? Could you show great charity? Think about that. 

Frankincense. This is a gum or sap that comes from trees in Somalia and coastal Arabia. It is used for its strong perfume when burnt. The smoke is aromatic and used for rituals. It is very expensive. They have discovered that it is good for medicinal reasons:  asthma, ibs, cancer, skin problems, and arthritis.  It is still harvested today. This gift shows devotion to the health and life of Christ.  Christ still lives today within each one of us if we only allow him to be in charge of our hearts.  How can you show great devotion, students?  Yes it is homework.

 Last but not least, myrrh.  It is also a resin or gum from a tree. These trees grow naturally in these countries: Saudi Arabia, Oman, Yemen, Somalia, and eastern Ethiopia.  It also has medicinal properties just like frankincense.  It also has uses for perfume and incense. It has been used before Christ came as a man in religious ceremonies of the Hebrews.  Moses used it. Jacob used it. Esther used it. Jesus was given it on the cross mixed with wine. Joseph of Arimathea gave it for Jesus’s burial.  Ancient Egyptians as do those of Islamic faith used and use it.  It is used to anoint holy people.  It represents a sacrifice. What could you sacrifice for Christ?  Would you sacrifice? Some people can’t even do this. They have become so self centered which is the very opposite of why Christ came to this world. Agape. 

 Today is the last day of Christmas for us as Catholic christians. It is the Epiphany of our Lord.  The realization that God did enter the world and He came to save us by giving us a better way to love: Agape.  As I watch the children from my window play in the snow, I wish you a Happy Agape Day!  Now get outside and enjoy students! Build a Snowman for me and throw a few snowballs! The best of all is to sled.  Be sure to do plenty of that! 

Sarah Anderson Alley 

Sal the Agape Gal

 Quotes of the Day:

1. “When one has once fully entered the realm of love, the world — no matter how imperfect — becomes rich and beautiful, it consists solely of opportunities for love.”

― Søren Kierkegaard, ‘Works Of Love’, 1847.

2. “Shine your soul with the same egoless humility as the rainbow and no matter where you go in this world or the next, love will find you, attend you, and bless you.”

― Aberjhani, ‘Journey Through The Power Of The Rainbow: Quotations From A Life Made Out Of Poetry’, 2014.

3. “Divine love, agape, is self-sacrificing love, which sounds difficult, as it is, and not very attractive. If the best image we have of love is of a man who’s been tortured and hung upon a cross … But it is the highest Christian image of love.”

― Kevin Hart, ‘The Poetry And Prayers Of Kevin Hart’, 2011.

4. “Agape is total love… Whoever knows and experiences agape learns that nothing else in the world is important – just love.”

― Paolo Coelho, ‘The Pilgrimage’, 1987.

5. “The only way love can last a lifetime is if it’s unconditional. The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.”

― Stephen Kendrick, ‘The Love Dare’, 2008.

https://kidadl.com/articles/best-agape-love-quotes-about-unconditional-love