Glimpse

 

Glimpse
Zacchaeus. . . was seeking to see who Jesus was. (Luke 19:2, 3)

In my mind, I’ve been troubled. I, Sal the Sinful Gal, have sinned in what I’ve done and what I failed to do. Who wouldn’t choose to laugh and party with the sinners instead of moping around crying with the Saints, right? Yes back row close your mouths, Sal is not a Saint. I have these horrible thoughts. I have times when I talk and should keep my big mouth shut. I have times when I should speak but can’t because I don’t want to be the person who points the finger at sinful behaviors. This last one bothers me the most.

At the R.C.I.A. Class last Monday night, we had a small class because of the holiday week. We discussed intimate matters. I voiced my non-abilities to be a finger pointer to sins I see. My heart always goes back to the commandment “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.” This speaks to me of unconditional love. Unconditional love accepts sinners with open arms. It does not judge or boast. I can’t run around pointing out sins when I’m just a lowly sinner myself. I expressed my grief and listened to life lessons from our priest still feeling unrest and turmoil in my heart. My daughter and I talked late into the night discussing our sinful dilemmas. After she went up to bed, I lay awake pondering an answer.

The next morning, I opened my studies and this was the meditation verse of the day: Zacchaeus. . . was seeking to see who Jesus was. (Luke 19:2, 3) I read the readings and the gospels. I read about Dorothy Day and Thomas Merton. Let’s not forget Zacchaeus the dastardly tax collector that climbed a sycamore just to get a glimpse of Jesus. Then I read a short bio on Leo Tolstoy, a famous Russian author. That’s right front row. He wrote War and Peace and Anna Karenina. His writings inspired Gandhi. Back row you better know who Gandhi is. Tolstoy had the same struggle with Christianity as I. The Sermon on the Mount and the law of love haunted him as well. I couldn’t believe this author had the same stirrings in his heart. Toward the end of his life things didn’t fare well for Leo; he was excommunicated from the church. However, so much was gained from his loss. He taught us to continue to seek that glimpse of Jesus in this world. Always seek.

Zacchaeus was seeking, too. He saw Jesus and Jesus saw him. He immediately felt that stir and turmoil in his heart. He had a change of heart, made reparations to those he cheated and abused, and tried to emulate what he saw, Jesus. The lightbulb went on for Sal the Sinful Gal. The “Ah-ha” moment just about knocked me out of my scoot. I’m not to be a finger-pointer but I’m to be a glimpse of Jesus. This was the lesson all along. If sinners see us acting with a heart of Christ there doesn’t have to be any finger pointing. Whew! I can do that. I’m called to love and that’s a piece of cake for me. I’m Sal the Love Everybody Gal. After Abbey woke up and did her readings, she text me: “Dorothy day is popping off today!!! Just what we talked about last night….” I smiled and text back: “And Thomas Merton! I wigged out when I read, too” How can you be a glimpse?

Sarah Anderson Alley
Sal the Be Like Jesus Gal

Quotes of the Day:
Leo Tolstoy
His last words were, “To seek, always to seek.”
“If a person knows that he will die in a half hour, he certainly will not bother doing trivial, stupid, or, especially, bad things during this half hour. Perhaps you have half a century before you die—what makes it any different from a half hour?”—Leo Tolstoy

“The greatest challenge of the day is: how to bring about a revolution of the heart, a revolution which has to start with each one of us?”

Dorothy Day

The Still Within

The Still Within
I am the good shepherd. . . . My sheep know my voice, and I know them. —John 10: 14, 27

In my mind today, I’m thinking of the hectic past month. I’m missing my silent morning moments. It makes me think of one of my favorite English teachers Ms. Marjorie Neal. Her motto was, “Go, Go, Go!” Her bubbly personality, short red, curly hair, and petite stature are still with me. After long bursts of activity when I feel like becoming a hermit, I hear her mantra, “Go, Go, Go!” I see her occasionally at restaurants in our little burg. I always speak, but I know she doesn’t recognize the present Sal. Then I was six feet tall, skinny as a rail, and a goofy gal. Now I’m in a scoot, growing a voluptuous buddha belly, and hidden by my disease. All that is trivial though because Mrs. Neal gave me something to use on my journey and God knows how to do this unbeknownst. So we roll with it.

Lately my mind has been screaming “No, No, No!” I’ve gotten use to my silent times with my maker and as of late my phone is constantly ringing or dinging. My calendar has been chocked full. The to do list has lengthened. As soon as I check off a task another two are added. I just pull up my dipe and put my scoot in rabbit mode and “Go, Go, Go!” Whew!

Every night my sweet “Chuck” aka Abbey jumps into my bed and we have our “Snuggle-time.” Last night I listened to her hectic life of Calculus, honors English, and standardized test oh my! She was trying to be positive and look passed her to do list. She’s summing up her high school chapter and it’s a whirlwind of college applications, ACT/SAT’s, and homework. As I listened, I realized she was exhausted and frustrated like me. She’s missing her times of solitude and silence. We discussed ways to order her day so all items would be neatly checked off. We talked about the busyness of this season and how to survive. What did we do? We added to our list! 😮 Our plan was to rise at 5:30 AM and walk through our neighborhood together then we would jump start our day. The coffee would call us home, and we would have an extra hour to begin our beginning.

It worked! The stars and moon greeted us as our coonhound bayed on our stroll. We shook the cobwebs and solved a few Alley “porbrums.” (Alley speak for problems) It was beautiful. It was a bit of solitude and communion with the Maker as we watched as the sun began to illum the day. We felt more prepared to face our calendars, homework, tests, and tasks. My “Chuck” and I are learning to carry our silence within us because there are plans and places God needs us go and to accomplish. All of this is part of it. The Still Within is bigger than any standardized test or bursting calendar. It sustains us. It keeps us rolling on and checking off our lists. All we need to do is take a brief pause, breathe, and let it fill our lives. Amazingly our “No, No, No’s” become “Go, Go, Go’s!”

Sarah Anderson Alley
Sal the Go, Go, Go Gal

Quotes of the day from a dear friend fighting breast cancer and leukemia while being a caregiver of her husband who has championed a massive stroke AND is the best event planner and MUMA this side of heaven, Tracy Cupples. She sent me these encouraging words after me sending my “pity pot” to do list this morning.

“You know that’s how you roll. I have come to realize…….. that’s a big part of what’s keeping you alive. You don’t slow down long enough to realize what is going on with your body………AND …….the biggest reason…….God is keeping you rolling for HIM because no one is a brighter light.”

“Sarah, one day we’ll all stop rolling. So roll on and spread love and light. That’s who you are…..that’s who you’ve always been…… before ALS. Here’s the thing…… people listen with intent now. God knows who will roll on for HIM. Your house is waiting on you and that crown too………. We win either way, Sarah!!!!”
Ms. Tracy “Muma” Cupples

Where I See God

I see God in nature. As a child, I would refuse to go inside on a pretty day. My mother told me that at two years of age my best friend Clayton and I would head out with our pails to rescue bugs. When we moved to a neighborhood and had a nice sized yard, I would find holes filled with toads. I would take them in to our bathroom, place them in the sink, and shut the door. I then would head out to find more. Whoever opened the bathroom door would be in for a big surprise. It was usually my mom. I can hear her saying, “Sarah Anne, what in the world are you doing?”

I cried when people killed bugs. Sometimes my older brother did it just to torment me. He would pull the legs off of a grasshopper and ask, “You want me to put it out of it’s misery?” In my mind I envisioned a little hospital crew reattaching the maimed part and quickly said, “Yes! Please help it.” He would proceed to stomp the poor insect while I wailed and sobbed. Another evil tactic was talking my grass-hopper collections and tossing them into spider webs as I screeched. Traumatic times indeed. Boys really are made of “snakes and snails.”

I remember walks with my dogs discovering snakes, gullies, riverlets, and ponds. The adventures were always satisfying eating wild berries and snatching fruit from neighbors trees to serve as a makeshift lunch. I would explore for hours and heading home in the gloaming which is still a favorite time of day for me. Everything glows and seems lucid to the eye. These walks continued until being ambulatory was stolen away by by ALS. My dogs and I explored the woods around my home. We’ve flushed squirrels and deer. Watching the hounds bay and chase is a beautiful sight. Of course, no one was harmed. The joy is in the pursuit which is a good thing because my girls never caught anything. Watching them rush to ponds to swim and flounce their sodden coats as they came back to me on our adventure always made me smile.

Today, I roll and still commune with nature. It’s limited to my yard but it’s a sanctuary to me. I trek in my scoot watching birds enjoy my feeders, birdhouses, and trees. The butterflies and bees scurrying and harvesting from my flowers. My dogs follow me and rest at my feet as I look up dreamily into the trees I planted as mere saplings. Their girth a treasure I thought I would never see. I spend hours watching and listening to nature. From toddler to death, I will enjoy my sacred time with God in his roofless sanctuary.

Sarah Anderson Alley
Sal the Nature Gal